Whether your child is starting preschool or school for the first time, or they are getting ready to go back to school, I have three top tips to help you support your child in easing back to school anxiety and separating from you with confidence.

By Hayley Rice, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist, Play Therapist, Former Teacher

Did you know that your feelings can rub off on your kids? It's true! Our brains are wired to pick up on the emotions of those closest to us. So, when you start having back to school anxiety during the back to school time,  your anxiety can easily transfer to your child. I hear it all the time: 'I'm dreading it,' 'I'm more anxious than they are,' and 'I'm terrified they'll have a meltdown.' But don't worry, there's hope! Read this blog to the end as I will  be sharing my top three tips to help you ease the back to school anxiety.

Three Tips To Ease Back To School Anxiety

1. Understanding Your Own Emotions

It's important to recognize that your feelings about your child returning to school significantly impact their experience. Many parents report feeling more anxious than their children. To effectively support your child, it's crucial to manage your own back to school anxiety. Here are ways to do that:

• Prioritize self-care: Engage in stress-reducing activities like meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.

• Communicate your feelings: Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable support and perspective.

Set realistic expectations: Remember that it's normal for both you and your child to feel overwhelmed at times.

2. Creating a Safe Space for Emotions

My next tip for you is to begin to welcome and allow your child’s feelings on school, whatever they may be! As humans, we have an innate drive to feel connection, belonging, and unconditional love. When children have negative or difficult feelings and aren't allowed to have them, they can experience emotional isolation or disconnection.

A disconnected child will find it hard to separate from you. So connection begins with allowing all feelings- not just the nice ones! You need to acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings and experiences. Children need to feel understood and supported when experiencing back to school anxiety. By validating their feelings, you create a safe space for open expression. Some of the ways you can achieve this includes:

• Active listening: Give your child your full attention when they express their concerns.

• Normalize feelings: Let your child know that it's okay to feel anxious or nervous and that many others feel the same.

• Offer reassurance: Remind your child of the positive aspects of school, like seeing friends and learning new things.

This can be hard to do sometimes but you can! I have designed 8 pages of scripts based on the most common school worries. They come with my Separate with Confidence webinar. You can get them along with the webinar here

3. Harnessing the Power of Play

Play is the language of children, it is how they express, process and make sense of their feelings and their world. They will naturally play out their inner world without needing any help from you. But, you can harness this amazing tool to enhance and support their processing and even plant seeds that will grow into skills and transfer into a new way of seeing themselves in the lived world. Play with the theme of back to school, separation, transitions, friendships, and school work, and watch your child become more comfortable with what’s ahead!

A study carried out in the UAE in 2018 found that connective play with a parent significantly reduced anxiety in inpatient children being treated for acute anxiety in just 3 days. That is incredible! But, I’m not surprised, I know and have witnessed the power of play many times! I know you are busy, so remember, play can be hugely effective when done in quick bursts- you don’t need to sit for hours! You can adopt any of the approaches below to play with your child.

• Incorporate school-related themes: Play activities focused on school, friends, and routines can help prepare your child for the transition.

• Encourage problem-solving: Play scenarios that involve overcoming challenges can boost confidence.

• Create a positive school atmosphere: Play can generate excitement about returning to school and build anticipation for positive experiences.

For more on how you can use play and creativity as a tool for anxiety, you can access my Separate with Confidence webinar here or my Understanding Anxiety in Children online course for parents here.

Additionally, you can get these two courses and many others that would help you with parenting for free when you become a member of the Hayley Rice community. Yes! The courses are exclusively free to members of my community and you can become a member too. Sign up now: https://www.hayley-rice.com/membership

By implementing these tips and fostering a supportive environment, you can help your child overcome back-to-school anxiety and enjoy a successful school year. Remember, patience, understanding, and consistency are key to building resilience and confidence in your child.

Hayley

Feedback for my Separate with Confidence webinar

“Thank you I found this evening so helpful. I am much more positive about her going back to school and will start 1:1 play time with her tomorrow”

“Thanks so much. This is very empowering! I love your Instagram posts too 🙏”

“Thank you so much it gives me much more confidence. Amazing thanks”

“Great webinar. Thank you. Definitely going to do the one to one play more often with my daughter and use it to help her feel more confident about starting Junior Infants”

“It was fantastic! I can’t wait to rewatch with Hubby. Very informative and some great tips! You should write a book..I would buy it!”

“Hi Hayley, I did your webinar last night and wow thank you so much! It was so helpful and so informative. This morning we are all just awake and my 7 year old who’s going in to first class says “I’m worried I will mess writing down my homework and I might miss something”. So, instead of me saying “you will be okay”..I was able to acknowledge how she was feeling, reassure her that everyone in her class would be learning this new skill and that teacher would give them time…I also said “I wonder if there is anything else you’re worried about?” and it opened a whole can of worms but ones I felt I could deal with. We were actually figuring out each worry and solving it. I can’t believe how much I learnt last night. I will do the anxiety course next. Thanks so much.”