What is temperament?

Temperament is the natural, inborn part of a child's personality that influences how they interact with the world around them. It affects their energy levels, emotional responses, adaptability, and sociability. Since temperament is biologically rooted and relatively stable, recognizing and embracing these differences is essential for parents to create a supportive environment. By understanding your child's temperament, you can adopt strategies that honour your child's individuality while helping them thrive.

Sanguine (Social and Outgoing)

• Key Traits: Enthusiastic, talkative, energetic, and optimistic.

• Behaviour: Children with a sanguine temperament are highly sociable, love being around people, and are often the centre of attention. They enjoy new experiences and tend to adapt easily to change. These kids are often cheerful and have a positive outlook on life.

• Parenting Tips: Encourage their social interactions, but help them focus on finishing tasks since they can be easily distracted. Balance their need for excitement with moments of calm to help them develop patience.

Choleric (Assertive and Independent)

• Key Traits: Strong-willed, goal-oriented, confident, and sometimes impatient.

• Behaviour: Choleric children are natural leaders. They have a strong drive to achieve their goals and can be very assertive or even dominant in group situations. They are often quick to act and can be competitive, but they may struggle with patience and flexibility.

• Parenting Tips: Encourage their leadership abilities, but teach them the importance of teamwork and empathy. Since they can be headstrong, offer structured choices to avoid power struggles and foster cooperation.

Melancholic (Thoughtful and Sensitive)

• Key Traits: Analytical, detail-oriented, sensitive, and introverted.

• Behaviour: Melancholic children are more introspective, preferring quiet, thoughtful activities like reading or drawing. They can be perfectionistic, meticulous, and deeply emotional, often taking things to heart. These children thrive in predictable, structured environments and may be cautious when faced with new situations.

• Parenting Tips: Provide emotional support and a stable routine to help them feel secure. Encourage them to express their feelings openly and remind them that mistakes are part of learning, to ease perfectionist tendencies.

Phlegmatic (Calm and Easygoing)

• Key Traits: Calm, peaceful, patient, and content.

• Behaviour: Phlegmatic children are typically easygoing and get along well with others. They are usually unhurried and prefer peaceful environments. While they are great at maintaining harmony, they may be slower to take initiative and could resist change or conflict.

• Parenting Tips: Encourage them to express their opinions and be more assertive when necessary. Since they tend to avoid conflict and change, help them gradually adapt to new situations while respecting their need for stability.

It is important to understand these temperament styles so that you will be able to adapt your parenting style to fit your child’s needs.

What does knowing your child's temperament teach you?

Understanding your child's temperament helps you cultivate a deeper connection with your children and adapt their parenting approach to foster a healthier, more supportive environment. Here are some key lessons that temperament can teach parents:

1. Temperament teaches parents that each child is unique and requires a personalised approach to parenting.

2. Understanding temperament helps parents adapt their communication and parenting style to match their child’s needs.

3. Recognising a child's temperament fosters patience and empathy, leading to more compassionate responses.

4. Temperament allows parents to nurture their child's strengths while addressing challenges with appropriate guidance.

5. A deep understanding of temperament strengthens the parent-child bond by building trust and mutual respect.

How to parent children with different temperaments

Tip 1: Recognise and Accept

The first step is to recognise and accept each child’s temperament. What are their temperaments? Getting clear on this is a great first step so that you can recognise what temperament each of your children has. If your first child was ‘easygoing’ and took things in their stride and your second child comes along and is more reactive and ‘challenging’ it can be almost impossible not to compare. But, tuning in, recognising your child's temperament, and accepting where they are is a super way to keep you grounded in giving them the parenting they need. 

 

Tip 2: Personalise Your Parenting

You probably find that parenting approaches that work for one child, may not work for another. So, does this mean you need to constantly change your parenting style? That might be an overwhelming thought. Instead, think about identifying each child's strengths and challenges and being flexible in your approach. Having an openness when it comes to the strategies you might try, the time you spend with emotions, and your responses to their demands can give you a sense of freedom, creativity, and growth. You don't have to get it right every time, just be open to adapting as you see fit, adjusting your expectations, and meeting them where they are. 

Tip 3: Nurture Their Temperament

Each temperament will have different strengths and challenges, so to make your parenting a little smoother, it can be helpful to nurture your child's strengths and work on their challenges. See this as a long-term project. How might that look? If your child is slow to warm up, giving them time, avoiding labelling them as ‘shy’, and working on their esteem and confidence can be helpful. If your child is very reactive and finds it hard to regulate, then focusing on co-regulation, learning about feelings and support in hard moments will be hugely helpful. Similarly, whatever your child's strengths are, be their mirror and remind them of this often. Make praise personal and focus on effort over outcome. Help them to see their wonderful characteristics and feel a sense of pride in who they are becoming. 

 

Tip 4: Consider Sibling Relationships 

As much as you notice your children's differing strengths and challenges, chances are they do too! Working on sibling harmony and a positive view of differences can be very empowering for children. You want them to embrace who they are, not compare and feel bad about it. So, be mindful of comparing siblings out loud “Look, your sister is going over to play with those kids!” and instead stay in your personalised approach. Give siblings opportunities to play ‘team’ games together, work on a project together, and see each other as allies who lean on each others strengths and build upon challenges. Use sibling negotiation and facilitation skills in times of conflict so they can get to know each others temperaments too and how to navigate them. 

Tip 5: Communicate 

And finally, maintain open lines of communication with each child. Each temperament will struggle at certain points with different things. Knowing that they have a supportive space to go to with their challenges is incredibly important. Each time they do, they will internalise that support and create their inner support system. They will learn about their temperament and what works for them in times of stress. They will see themselves through your eyes and have an opportunity to embrace all of themselves. 

Conclusion

Understanding and adapting to your child's unique temperament can profoundly enhance your parenting approach, fostering a nurturing and supportive environment. By recognising and embracing the natural differences in your child's personality, you can tailor your strategies to better meet their needs, encourage their strengths, and address their challenges. Remember, each temperament type brings its own set of gifts and growth areas. Embracing these differences not only strengthens your bond with your child but also equips them with the resilience and confidence they need to thrive. As you implement these insights and strategies, you create a more harmonious and empathetic family dynamic, setting the stage for your child’s long-term emotional well-being and success.

For further guidance and resources:

Become a member of my community. The membership is  for real support, learning and community: https://www.hayley-rice.com/membership