Parenting on the Same Page
What is your take on parenting on the same page?
Many parents will try so hard to encourage their partner to get on board with a particular style. But, it is incredibly common for parents to differ in parenting style, and in my experience- parenting on the ‘same page’ is a myth…and unnecessary too!
4 Tips for Parenting on the Same Page
Tip 1: Know What's Realistic
I speak to parents just like you every day and a super common question I get asked is "How do I get my partner on the same page as me when it comes to parenting approaches?". You are both different people, with totally different experiences of being parented that you will bring to the table. That means you will have different skill sets, strengths, and challenges. While consistency is really important, slightly different approaches can be helpful too. So, ask yourself, is the goal to be on the exact ‘same page’ or would the same book/ same chapter be good enough?
Tip 2: Collaborate Often
Many parents will have frequent arguments when it comes to how things with the kids have been/ should be handled. But, most do not sit down and make a plan or talk about it. Parenting is a big deal that is worthy of time and thought and centres around communication. Making time to collaborate on parenting is a game changer. Consider talking about and agreeing upon 3-5 core values that will form the foundation of your parenting style. Talk about your strengths, challenges, what went well and what didn't. Review these items often so that you can adjust and change as you and your children grow together.
Tip 3: Find Your Style
There are so many parenting approaches, styles, and techniques to choose from that it can be mind-boggling. And, what works for one kid might not work for another. So, rather than trying to follow a specific approach and sticking to it, think about tuning in to what feels right for you. Parenting is intuitive by nature and collaborating with your parenting partner is likely to flow more easily when you make your approach personal to your family.
Tip 4: Turn Off Auto Pilot
If you are continually clashing with your parenting partner, finding it hard to navigate triggers, and wanting to make changes but just can't seem to make them stick, then one or both of you may be on parenting auto-pilot. This means that you are defaulting back into patterns of parenting that may not be helpful and likely stem from the way you were parented. A super valuable thing to do is to become conscious of these patterns. When you do this with your parenting partner it can help you to both understand each other better and finally get to the ‘same chapter’ of that book! It takes bravery and time for sure, but the payoff is powerful.
P.S. Would you like me to help you further? I’m Hayley Rice, a child and adolescent psychotherapist specializing in play therapy courses, a parent-child relationship coach, a former teacher, and a training facilitator. Here are 2 ways I can help you:
1. Gain access to my members-only community for ongoing support: https://www.hayley-rice.com/membership
2. Get started by working on patterns and triggers together with the “21 Day Challenge” https://www.hayley-rice.com/21-day-challenge